Happy New Year Michael & Karen

I received a Holiday Greeting card from my newspaper delivery folks. Those of you following the saga of the never-ending-newspapers, (see Blog from October, 2008) will enjoy this note I sent back.

Dear Michael & Karen,

Thank you for your lovely holiday card. Your timely greeting arrived at my doorstep along with the newspaper you so thoughtfully continue to deliver, despite the fact that I ceased paying for delivery back in August.

I’m sure you have seen the signs of neglect in our relationship as, day after day, newspapers pile up on my front lawn. I’m sure you have received the calls from your employer, advising you to cease and desist. Please, do not take it personally, but I would really like to end our relationship.

I urge you to start the new year out on the right foot. Make a resolution to stop delivering the newspaper to my home.

I understand how difficult it can be to break ties, especially when one has had a long and satisfying relationship. Five years is indeed a long time. Perhaps, I am simply a habit you cannot manage to break. Perhaps, it is the letting go that you cannot accept.

Quitting quit cold-turkey is always the best way to go. Lingering in a languished relationship is never a wise move. If you just can’t bear to part ways, we can compromise. You are welcome to continue to send your annual holiday card, as I always appreciate the kind sentiment. But please, stop delivering the newspaper.

Happy New Year Michael & Karen
I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.
Denise

A Parenting Oops Card

At Back-to-school night, one teacher handed out a Free Homework Pass to each parent. A little “I know your life is crazy” gift to provide momentary relief on a day of the parent’s choosing. A nice thought, but what I would really like is a parenting “oops” card.

Recently, my daughter shared with me about a time I had ignored a request she made. She was 7. Apparently, she is scarred for life. I told her I was sorry (and I truly am) but I wanted to tell her “get in line.” I’ve made mistakes, a lot of them. Parenting is tough work. We muddle through our busy lives and raise our children as best we can. Somewhere along the line, we need to forgive ourselves for our missteps and hope that our children do to.

My present for you this Christmas is a special kind of gift card, a Parenting Oops Card. Take one guilt-ridden parenting moment and toss it away. Any event: the time you sent your son to school with a fever because you had a presentation at work; a time you raised your voice, simply because you were tired, not because it was the most appropriate response for the situation; a time you ignored, forgot, or misspoke.

I’m here to tell you, the things you’re beating yourself up over are probably not even the things your kids remember. Allow yourself a special gift this Christmas – accept a Parenting Oops Card. And be sure to share it with a friend.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Frankincense & Myrrh, Family & Friends

Tis the season, or so I hear. Christmas decorating has not yet made my “to do” list. Neither has Christmas shopping.

A sad state of affairs, really. I love Christmas. The festive decorations, the smell of pine needles, I enjoy every Christmas carol every written.

Last night, I resorted to evaluating the conference booth give-aways I received this fall, to see if any were worthy of stocking stuffer status. I am proud to report I will be recycling, reusing and reducing this Christmas, whether my kids like it or not. Our environment, my time and my money are all precious commodities.

Besides, it’s not about the gifts. Do you think baby Jesus was thrilled to receive frankincense and myrrh? Christmas is about the miracle of Jesus’ birth and the folks who came to pay him homage. It’s about travel and visiting and family and friends. Keep that in mind, when the crush of this holiday season gets to you.

I intend to remind my children of that fact when they open their fuzzy key rings, logo pens and odd shaped post-it notes on Christmas Eve. They should simply be happy we are together, gathered around the Christmas tree.

Oops - I better go get on that “buy a tree” part.

A Weighty Matter

When a friend recently asked, “can you hold my purse while I pop into the ladies room?” I did not know what I was getting myself into. I agreed far too quickly. I should have told her, “I have back problems.” I should have shared about the carpel tunnel in my hand.
I should have inquired as to its weight. How heavy can the purse of a five foot one senior citizen be? Pretty darn heavy. The 4 minutes she was gone might well have been 40.

I shifted the purse from one hand to the next, slung it over one shoulder, then over the other. I set it on the ground, every so briefly. I finally resorted to using the darn thing to get in a few arm curls. It has been weeks since I’ve been to the gym. Perhaps I can assuage my guilt by fitting in a little impromptu exercise.

We all have different comfort levels, when it comes to keeping our most precious possessions near. Some let their children roam the neighborhood, while others watch their every move. Some will loan their car to a friend, others just can’t bear to let go of the keys. Some must carry a purse brimming with personal items, as they go about their daily errands. Our ability to let go and lighten the load in life is indeed a weighty matter.

“This thing weights more than you,” I claimed when my friend emerged and the eternity ended. She agreed it was busting at the seams. When I suggested perhaps she downsize, she was of the opposite opinion. “I just need to buy something larger so I can redistribute the weight,” she stated.

Well, I guess that takes care of that.

Using your Blinker and Avoiding the Horn

Many women will tell you, their biggest gripe with their mate is lack of communication. “We never just talk,” women say. Have you been on the sending or receiving end of “I want to know how you feel”? Statements like these can make men run for the door and women seek therapy.

The same applies to planning ahead. Frankly, many men find their life quite satisfactory without forethought or planning. “Don’t they sell roses at those roadside stands?” can count, in a man’s mind, as preparation for Valentine’s Day. Women beg to differ.

Communication & planning ahead are two often addressed topics in a relationship, but these gender differences are not strictly a behind-closed-doors issue. They translate behind the wheel of a car as well.

I must confess, I can be a back-seat driver at times. “Why don’t you put on your blinker, so the cars know you’re waiting for that parking space,” I’ve been heard to say, when I witness this communication faux pas.

To me, it’s like nails on a chalkboard to listen to “that damn car won’t let me in.” All I’m thinking is “Why didn’t you change lanes a mile ago? You knew the exit was coming up.” I don't understand why people don't plan ahead.

It’s really just gender differences, in communication and planning. Perhaps we can agree to meet in the middle – if men work on using their blinkers more often, women will lay off the horn.

I’m going to try this in my life. Try it in yours. Let me know how it goes.