Let Fate Decide the Menu

Two kinds of folks hold Pot Luck dinners. Those who’s choice to host a casual gathering requires them to assure a well-balanced meal is provided for all. And those who throw caution to the wind and let fate decide the menu. I am the latter.

Not all of my guests were comfortable with this planning style when I hosted a contingent of old college pals and spouses for a Pot Luck dinner last month. But they were good sports about it. “What do you need?” some asked. “Bring whatever you like,” I replied. “What dishes are people bringing?” “I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”

I enjoy the 'luck' part of a Pot Luck and have yet to end up with any dietary balance issues. Besides, will you wither away if you have a bowl of chill, a beer and 3 slices of pie for dinner? I think not.

So next time, let fate decide the menu. It’s half the fun.

Hate is a Strong Word

A colleague said to me the other day “I hate him.”

My friend, hate is a strong word. Maybe you dislike it when he clips his toenails in bed. His table manners may need some fine tuning. Possibly his politics rub you the wrong way. Are you simply annoyed by the drudgery of everyday life? We all get there every now and again.

I have strong opinions on the use of the word “hate.” We all have unique feelings and preferences on many fronts. Differences in opinion should be respected. Differences in life choices should be accepted. These should not be love-hate issues. Hate is a choice, one that should not be made lightly.

Intentional malicious behaviors, now those are to be hated. That and oatmeal. I hate oatmeal. Now there is the proper use of the word hate.

Tax Day - Thelma and Louise Style

A country strapped for cash, paid postal workers overtime to accept envelopes containing income tax returns as late at 11:59 PM last night. I saw it on the late night news. In some locations, sudo drive-thrus emerged. Embarrassed, and not-so-embarrassed, last minute filers rolled up to the curb to hand envelopes through car windows to waiting postal workers, those lucky enough to snag an overtime shift in this slow economy.

The income tax return deadline is not like Easter, Thanksgiving or Presidents Day - a mobile holiday. This annual civic duty falls on the same day every year – like Christmas, the 4th of July and New Year’s Day. Planning to meet this deadline, while it is still daylight, might be an idea to embrace.

Help me understand. What’s the attraction to the last minute filing? You gain nothing by banking your money until the April 15th. In 2009, there’s no interest income to earn. Take your money out from under the mattress and just turn it over to the IRS.

I suppose some folks dread the annual reconciliation exercise, in the same way they dread going to the dentist. Personally, I subscribe to the “just get it over with” philosophy. The sooner its over, the sooner you can forget about it (until next year).

Perhaps some enjoy keeping the IRS at bay until the last possible moment. I swear I saw Thelma and Louise on the news last night. Heads thrown back, laughing at the stars, as they sped away from the Post Office at the stroke of midnight.

To all the April 15th Postal Drive-Thru patrons: I want to know - what makes you tick? Are you deadline averse? Do you fear the dentist chair? Are you the Thelma and Louise type? Please share. What makes you do it?

The Secret to Free Newspapers

I know a secret - How to get your newspaper for free.

I’m not talking about temporarily free delivery. You know, where they give you the first 12 weeks for free and then they start billing you. In that scenario, you eventually pay. I’m talking no-strings attached free! I’m talking newspapers piling up on your front lawn, a rainbow of plastic covered papers scattered about.

Are you ready for the secret? Here it is: Cancel your subscription.

I mean it. Cancel your subscription. Tell them you just don’t have time to read every day, what with your busy life and all. They won’t believe you. The bills will stop coming, but the delivery will continue. Call them back. Tell them they must have forgotten to relay the message to the delivery driver. Remind them - you don’t want the paper anymore. They still won’t believe you. They will think you don’t want to pay, but you still really want to read their newspaper.

As the papers continue to arrive, be sure to call again. Tell them you travel a lot and if papers pile up on the front lawn, it’s like a great big “I’m not home sign” for the less-than-honest folks in the world. They won’t care. Your newspapers will still arrive.

I stumbled onto a brilliant plan really. A brilliant plan if I actually wanted to get my newspapers for free. Which I don’t. I’d like to go green and read on-line. I’d like to avoid hauling a pile of papers out back for the recycling truck every week. I’d like stop collecting those little plastic sleeves the newspapers come in. The only thing those plastic sleeves are good for is picking up dog poop. Trust me, my dog is never going to poop enough to use up my ever growing supply.

As I inadvertently learned the secret to free newspaper delivery, I felt compelled to share. So go ahead, try it. Start your free subscription today. Be sure to let me know how it works out.

Save me from the Rain-maniacs!

First, we have people in Galviston, Texas who don’t evacuate when a 19 foot wave surge is predicted. Every station shows the eye of the storm heading directly toward them, still they remain. Not just a few people - 15,000 people don’t leave for higher ground.

Then, we have Baltimore - the weather woosey capital of the world! We were expecting rain Friday evening, actually a bit of a thunderstorm. Winds and heavy rain fall were predicted. Many folks left work early. Just in case. They cancelled all public school and rec league sports activities, for the entire weekend. Just in case. The police where on the roads in full force. Just in case.

Its RAIN people – drive slower, use your headlights and bring an umbrella. How hard is this?!

Thank goodness we don’t get many hurricanes here in Baltimore. If there was actually some real threat potential, we’d be evacuating every other week. And trust me, there would not be 15,000 people staying behind. They’d be flocking out of town like a Baltimore beehive.

Don't get me started on the snow – that’s a whoooole other thing when you live in Bawlmer, hon.

Actually, the next major storm – I’m having a party. Anyone who is not a rain-maniac is welcome. Bring an umbrella and a bottle of wine. We’ll hunker down and ride out the storm together.

It's the Neighbors, again!

Neighbors are like relatives – you don’t get to choose them. For better or for worse, you’re stuck with them. You could opt to move, but that’s a pretty expensive approach to divorce yourself from an unsavory relative.

Most neighborhoods have their share of Sloppy Neighbors. The ones who don’t mow their grass quite often enough, leave the newspapers to biodegrade on the front lawn and assume the wind will take care of those fallen leaves. These folks are most likely to wait for the snow to melt rather than shovel their sidewalk. I suppose these aren’t such horrible crimes. Though, I feel bad for the mailman, on those slippery snowy days.

Life can get pretty dicey when you have an Inconsiderate Neighbor. The one constantly borrows but rarely returns or returns items broken, without a word about replacing them. I had neighbors once who played the stereo loud enough for me to hear in my yard, 2 doors down. This would not have been so bad if I actually shared their taste in music. I’ve even had neighbors who’s teens routinely bickered, loud enough to hear all the way across the street. (OK, maybe that was my kids . . . . . . . nobody’s a perfect neighbor, after all.)

Have you ever had Feuding Neighbors? Now there’s a real treat. Feuding Neighbors typically emerge when a Judgmental Neighbor is in your midst. You know, the one who “owns” the block and feels a sense of duty to keep all in his territory “as it should be.” Just mix a Judgmental Neighbor with an Inconsiderate or Sloppy one and they'll be no need to wait for the 4th of July to see fireworks.

Do you have a Nosey Neighbor? The one who watches every move on the block and reports perceived transgressions to anyone who’ll listen. Nosey neighbors are actually my favorite. They keep me on my toes, preventing me from becoming the sloppy or inconsiderate member of the community. And they watch my house. I love my nosey neighbor, God bless her soul. She's always helping me out. Once, she clued me in to a party my teenager had one weekend in my absence. My sneaky teen never did find out how I knew. Thus, I was able to continue my oft-repeated assertion “Mommies know everything.”

So tell me - how do you get along with your neighbors? Is it All in the Family, Father Knows Best, Family Feud or Divorce Court? Please, do share.

Road Rage or something else?

Some people have anger management issues.

Whether in the grocery store or on the highway, you can easily spot these folks. You've seen them - people who huff and puff, role their eyes and eventually resort to glaring at the cashier so the line will move quicker. On the road, these folks tailgate to bully you out of their way, lay on their horn so you know they mean business, even gesture with their hands or release a few choices words, not to be repeated around young children.

Other people are just naturally impatient.

They pace waiting for the bus, dart past you on the sidewalk and never wait on the crosswalk sign for permission to cross. Behind the wheel, they change lanes, constantly, often squeezing in where little room appears to exist. They speed up at yellow lights and keep going even when those lights turn red. They must drive just a little faster and get ahead of just a few more cars. These folks have an innate need to get where they are going, fast. To them, cruising or idling is simply not an option.

We have seen a steady (and alarming) increase in Road Rage in this country. I can accept the drivers with anger management issues and even tolerate the impatient ones. To some degree, they just can’t help themselves – its how they’re wired. I yearn to help them discover the pleasure of patience (or find a way to get them into therapy).

It’s the rest of the maniacs on the road I take issue with. They are simply rude, for no other reason than they can get away with it.

You know who I'm talking about – the ones who don’t yield the right of way in a merge zone or a traffic circle (that’s a Rotary to you New England folks). They cut through residential streets, flying over speed bumps and rolling through stop signs. They zip down aisles to beat others to the open parking space or even snatch up a handicapped spot, because “they’ll only be a minute”.

Would they behave this way with their friends and colleagues? Would they slam the door behind themselves rather than hold it open for the next person? Would they cut through the conference room with a meeting in session to take the shorter route back to their desks? Would they run down the hallway to beat someone else to the copier? I think not.

Insulated in a vehicle, anonymity allows them to misbehave without consequences. The ability to drive away without confrontation is liberating. Who are these people? I think they are folks just like you or I. So, next time you are on the road, relax, take your time and remember the good manners your mother taught you.