Paper or Plastic?

When asked, “Which is better to bag your groceries, paper or plastic?” a local environmentalist replied, “which ever you will use again.”

Many of you know, I went “green” this Christmas. I sent an e-mail instead of a Holiday card. I made donations to local charities in lieu of gifts. I turned conference giveaways into stocking stuffers. This, by the way, was a big hit at my house – I am a discerning shopper on the conference trade show circuit.

I didn’t expect everyone was going this route, but I did think most people were on the recycle bandwagon. Municipal trash pick-up has included a recycling schedule for a decade. Who doesn’t recycle?

A lot of my neighbors, apparently. When I dragged my boxes and bottles out to the alley last week, I took a look around. Only one other home had placed recycling out for pick up. Don't tell my kids, because I told them recycling was mandatory. Well it is - in my house.

I wondered, how many other neighborhoods look like this? Scan your alleys and sidewalks next week and send me a tally. Is it really just my neighborhood? I’d like to get a handle on this sad state of affairs.

At a time when many companies are making green practices common in the workplace, I certainly hope folks are not trading off on the home front. Choosing between paper or plastic does not matter, whether you reuse, recycle and reduce does.

A Parenting Oops Card

At Back-to-school night, one teacher handed out a Free Homework Pass to each parent. A little “I know your life is crazy” gift to provide momentary relief on a day of the parent’s choosing. A nice thought, but what I would really like is a parenting “oops” card.

Recently, my daughter shared with me about a time I had ignored a request she made. She was 7. Apparently, she is scarred for life. I told her I was sorry (and I truly am) but I wanted to tell her “get in line.” I’ve made mistakes, a lot of them. Parenting is tough work. We muddle through our busy lives and raise our children as best we can. Somewhere along the line, we need to forgive ourselves for our missteps and hope that our children do to.

My present for you this Christmas is a special kind of gift card, a Parenting Oops Card. Take one guilt-ridden parenting moment and toss it away. Any event: the time you sent your son to school with a fever because you had a presentation at work; a time you raised your voice, simply because you were tired, not because it was the most appropriate response for the situation; a time you ignored, forgot, or misspoke.

I’m here to tell you, the things you’re beating yourself up over are probably not even the things your kids remember. Allow yourself a special gift this Christmas – accept a Parenting Oops Card. And be sure to share it with a friend.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Frankincense & Myrrh, Family & Friends

Tis the season, or so I hear. Christmas decorating has not yet made my “to do” list. Neither has Christmas shopping.

A sad state of affairs, really. I love Christmas. The festive decorations, the smell of pine needles, I enjoy every Christmas carol every written.

Last night, I resorted to evaluating the conference booth give-aways I received this fall, to see if any were worthy of stocking stuffer status. I am proud to report I will be recycling, reusing and reducing this Christmas, whether my kids like it or not. Our environment, my time and my money are all precious commodities.

Besides, it’s not about the gifts. Do you think baby Jesus was thrilled to receive frankincense and myrrh? Christmas is about the miracle of Jesus’ birth and the folks who came to pay him homage. It’s about travel and visiting and family and friends. Keep that in mind, when the crush of this holiday season gets to you.

I intend to remind my children of that fact when they open their fuzzy key rings, logo pens and odd shaped post-it notes on Christmas Eve. They should simply be happy we are together, gathered around the Christmas tree.

Oops - I better go get on that “buy a tree” part.

Are you called to be a Helicopter Parent?

I wanted to be a Helicopter Parent – really I did.

I wanted to read every book the English teacher ever assigned, so I could have discussions with my son at the dinner table. I wanted to bone up on my algebra and geometry, so I could check my daughter's math homework for accuracy. I just didn’t have the time.

I wanted to be at school every day helping out in the office or in the art room. I wanted to be the volunteer parent who knows all the teachers and administrators by name. I had to be at work instead.

I wanted to be the parent who called the teacher to task when they treated a child unfairly. I wanted to say “Hey – I know your job is tough, but can you try a little harder, because these are our children.” My children asked me to me keep my mouth shut.

I couldn’t be a Helicopter Parent, but I’m glad someone was there to answer the call.

Baby boomers have brought a lot of improvements to parenting – relationships are more open and honest. Tough topics are discussed, rather than hidden in the closet. Parents are more proactive. They no longer release their children to the unknown at school, on the sports field or elsewhere, trusting the best will happen. When they send their babies off to college, they don’t simply cross their fingers and pray. Now, the connections remain and the discussions continue.

I do still highly recommend crossing your fingers and praying when you send them off to college. With such abounding freedom, much can happen when you’re not around.

Sure, some parents go overboard. I’ve heard the stories of parents confronting coaches about playing time, challenging teachers on their choices of test questions or contacting bosses about performance reviews. But let’s put this in perspective. Going a bit overboard is not unique to parenting.

Have you seen the folks with way too many Christmas decorations on their lawns? Did you ever have a neighbor who took in every stray cat she found? Who doesn’t have a friend or colleague who is a tad over-attentive to their car?

I think Helicopter Parents have gotten a bad rap. Quite frankly, I thank them - for insisting on accountability, fairness and honesty. Applied in moderation, they can be quite beneficial. It’s too late for me to become a Helicopter Parent, my kids are almost grown. But it might not be too late for you.

Habits, Routines or Traditions

I grew up in a house full of traditions. I'm not really sure how it happened. I don't think my parents planned family traditions. Perhaps my parents were simply creatures of habit. Perhaps routine was a valued commodity when raising five children. I'm not really sure how our family traditions came to be, but I sure am glad.

Christmas stockings were faithfully hung on the railing of the stairs off the living room(even after we moved to a house with a fireplace). We have a special birthday song, "Make a Wish." We have sung this song at every family birthday since 1965.

When others were dying Easter eggs, we were making egg shell flowers instead. There's a silly looking felt turkey that gets slipped over a pineapple and placed in the center of the table each Thanksgiving. Does anyone even use felt anymore? We do.

Every Sunday morning of my youth, we dutifully trotted off to church - even when we were on vacation. Vacation was a tradition as well. Every summer, the whole brood of us went camping, with an old army-green canvas tent and a Coleman stove.

Believe it or not, we have a secret family dip recipe. This dip, which we lovingly call "the secret dip", appears at every family gathering. The rule? You must marry into the family to get the recipe.

I could go on and on.

My family probably has a few more traditions than most, but trust me, every family has traditions. You may not have a secret dip recipe or know how to make egg shell flowers, but trust me, you have traditions. Does Grandma make creamed onions for Thanksgiving every year? Are you the one who always bakes the holiday pies? Does the world standstill when the NY Giants are playing? If you look hard enough, you'll find them. Every family has those quirky little things that make them unique.

Celebrate your traditions. Start some of your own. As children grow up, families move apart, or grandparents pass on, you can put a felt turkey on a pineapple and feel like you are home again. You can get on the phone and sing the birthday song to your son on the west coast and share a special bond.

Sometimes silly, sometimes sweet. Traditions are a wonderful thing.