S-E-X

I have a plan this summer – a plan that will embarrass my kids. I plan to talk about S-E-X this summer. And I’m going to talk about it to anyone who will listen.

You see, I have this friend Charla. (We’re sorta-kinda related. She’s my sister-in-law’s sister’s best friend from college.) Charla wrote a book about a birthday gift she gave her husband – sex, every day for a year. Really! A fascinating idea, one that intrigues men and perplexes women. (at least from my short survey) Her book is called 365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy. Sound familiar? Perhaps you saw the ladies discuss it on The View last month or watched the interview on The Today Show yesterday. If you missed those, stay tuned, because I understand they have taped a segment for Inside Edition.

OK – but why am I going to talk about sex all summer? Partially because it will embarrass my kids. (Come on now – there has to be some sort of pay back for all the years of attitude and eye-rolling I endured during their teen years.) Also, because Charla and I are sorta-kinda related. But most importantly, because I’m co-hosting a book signing event for Charla in Baltimore in September. You can stay tuned via Charla’s website : http://www.charlamuller.com/

Today is my 46th birthday – I wonder what Paul has planned? I don’t think its sex every day for a year, but one never knows . . . . .

Bedside Manner

I actually had a doctor this morning recommend amputation of my toe in lieu of surgery to correct a displaced broken bone. If you could see this toe, you would agree that something needs to be done. With the present angle of this toe, I could hitchhike across the country. Now, I’m sure the kind doctor was just trying to drive home the pointlessness of performing any type of surgery on someone’s baby toe (it being a useless digit in the grand scheme of foot agility and aesthetics) but amputation – please! I long for the days when a doctor would take the time to have a long, thoughtful discussion with a patient about treatment options and the pros and cons of medical procedures. What happened to gently guiding the patient toward the preferred path? If I wanted shock therapy, I’d listen to Howard Stern.

I went to my personal physician a few months back after being diagnosed on vacation with bronchitis and flying home with fluid on my ear. (OK – short diversion here, NEVER fly when the doctor tells you there is fluid on your ear. NEVER. Rent a car and drive home. Just trust me on this one!) She said “breathe in.” I said “though my nose or my mouth” but it was too late, she was already done listening. She spent a millisecond looking in my ear and pronounced, “Yea, you look red.” Then, with a shrug of her shoulders, I was dismissed with “You’ll just have to wait it out.” I must say “take 2 aspirin and call me in the morning” would have been a more thoughtful and comforting recommendation. I asked if there was anything I could do for the pain in my ear she said “no.” Then added, “You won’t want to get back on a plane until this clears though.” I wanted to say “No shit, Sherlock” but I restrained myself.

Is it me or is there a distinct decline in bedside manner rampant in the medical field today?

Just in case you’re wondering, I’ve decided to keep my toe. I kinda like the little fella. And I won’t be going on vacation again without my laptop. After all, where else am I going to get sound medical advise without attitude?

A Newfound Love of Wheelchair Ramps

Have you noticed how many able-bodied people park in handicapped spaces? Do you truly appreciate the automatic doors at the grocery store? Have you ever cared about the angle of the slope on a wheelchair ramp? (I mean really cared.) I now care – I mean, I really care. Yesterday, I broke my toe. I won’t go into how exactly – except to simply say I had a disagreement with a bookshelf over who had the right-of -way. Does anyone ever break a toe doing something valiant or daring?

I have now joined an elite group of human beings – those crutch-dependent individuals braving the world on one leg and 2 sticks. (Now there’s the valiant and daring part!) I’m getting pretty good negotiating life with my new appendages, but to say I am proficient in the use of crutches is probably an oxymoron. Does anyone ever really get use to these things?

To kill time (since I’d really rather not be seen in public in this fetching blue boot) - I’d love to know how many people have actually broken a leg trying to use crutches on a set of stairs. There must be some good “I broke my _______, while trying to use crutches” stories out there. I’d love to hear from you. Please share.

Put your mood ring away - Sudoku is here!

Did you know The Baltimore Examiner prints a Sudoku every day, next to the crossword puzzle? Did you know you can go to the “archives” at http://www.dailysudoku.com/ and find years worth of random puzzles? Did you know you there’s a Sudoku puzzle in the seat pocket in front of you on the airplane? It’s right there next to the little air sick baggie in the Fly Southwest Magazine.

OK – I admit, I am addicted to Sudoku. But it’s more than just a numbers game, it can predict the future. Sort of like wearing a mood ring or reading the horoscope. I know I’m scaring you – let me explain.

I do Sudoku every day. I’m pretty darn good at it too. When I hit a day that I can’t master the puzzle, I know I’m in for trouble. I'm just not on my game. It’s like a weather vane – it tells me which way the wind is blowing. You know how Granny can predict a rain shower when the sun is shining? – “I can feel it in my bones,” she says. Same concept. Granny and I are both always dead on!

So, no need for horoscopes, mood rings or Miss Lynn the palm reader up on York Road. I can just open the paper or click on dailysudoku.com and know my future.

Pretty cool, huh?!

The Millenials are coming!

Last week on 60 Minutes Morley Safer warned “Stand back all bosses! A new breed of American worker is about to attack everything you hold sacred.” A Washington Post article earlier this year warned, “Watch out The Civic Minded Millenials are coming of age.” News like this makes me picture Chicken Little running down the garden path crying “The sky is falling. The sky is falling.”

The Millenials are the post baby boomer children – those born between 1983 – 1997. I raised a few of those, 3 to be exact. A debate centers on whether parents have done a disservice to their children by raising them with praise, telling them they can be anything they want to be and encouraging them to take care of themselves first. Apparently, we parents openly passed around a “coddling virus” which began when Mr. Rodgers welcomed children into his TV home each week telling them “you’re special.” Parents picked up on this appalling behavior and the infection spread like wild fire.

I am a coddling virus spreader! Guilty as charged. I have raised my children with kindness, support and praise. I have indeed told them they can be anything they want to be. I have encouraged them not to settle, but rather to reach for the stars. We vote on major family decisions (though my vote does count twice). I have taught them to make sure they include themselves when they are putting together their list of priorities. And guess what? I am proud of the way I raised my children. I wouldn’t change a thing! OK – I would make them walk the dog more often and I would make them pick their dirty towels up off the bathroom floor instead of doing it myself just before the 11:00 news. But you know what I mean.

The problem, Morley tells us, is that these coddled children are now entering the workforce. The traditional manager is in a tailspin. He is expected to coach rather than boss. He is expected to motivate rather than order. He is expected to make them feel welcome and at ease or these clever, resourceful, tech savy young adults will go find themselves another job, one where they are treated better.

I say good!